To Thy Own Heart Be True
by freifraufischer
Summary: Romantic Evil Snowing. The past is prologue for the Charmings and the Queen in Neverland and the Enchanted forest as David and Regina come terms with the fact that they love the same brave and selfish woman: Snow White. Canon divergent after 2.19.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This story begins during the events of 2.19 Lacey and is canon divergent from that point. Flashbacks occur during multiple points during the pre-curse story. This story will eventually be romantic OT3 Evil Snowing._

 _The flashbacks in this chapter occur during 2.10 The Cricket Game._

* * *

Snow couldn't stop thinking about what David had said the night before. They couldn't risk bringing Regina back home with them when the bean crop matured. She was too dangerous. But she hadn't been able to explain to him why she hadn't the heart to see her in a cage, and the idea of leaving her behind in this world seemed just as wrong. But Snow had never been able to explain Regina to David mostly because she had never been able to explain it to herself.

Still she got up early the next day, grabbing toast and telling everyone she was heading to deal with getting the town to fix the roof of the school. David tried to point out that they probably wouldn't be around long enough for that to matter but she just waved a little and shrugged before leaving to cover herself.

She was sure though from Emma's slight frown that her daughter knew she was lying.

There were still people working in town hall, mostly because there were people who preferred not to be involved. It reminded Snow of a book she'd read from this world, about how most people are bystanders, neither the heroes nor the villains of their stories. Part of her longed for that, but she knew that was more Mary Margaret speaking and part of the cursed personality that Regina had punished her with.

"Is she in?" Snow nodded to the door to the mayor's office. Regina's assistant looked briefly worried but picked up some files, obviously intending to go find somewhere else to be, "Yes. Though she doesn't want to be..."

Snow walked past him, knocking on the door but opening it before Regina could answer. Regina was sitting at her desk writing and part of Snow wanted to ask why she continued working for a town that didn't want her but she answered her own question before she asked.

Without Henry she had nothing else to do. The town was all she had left.

"Regina..."

"Get out, Snow."

Snow folded her arms and Regina sighed, "I am not above calling your daughter to have her remove you from my presence. I have no intention of giving you the mercy of killing you. I told you that last week."

"Yes, I know, because you hate me so much that you want me to live in my own misery at my coming darkness." Snow tried to be light in the way she said it but part of it hit very close to home and there was a little hitch in her voice.

Regina caught it, as she always did, and looked up. "I've never been very good at subtlety, Snow."

"Perhaps." Snow tilted her head, "You've always lived on contradictions though. Trying to kill me one day and..."

"Do not go any further," Regina warned putting down her pen and looking right at her.

"Are we supposed to pretend that never happened?" Snow asked in disbelief.

"Yes. Go home to your shepherd, Snow."

"He's a bit more than a shepherd Regina." She tilted her head, "You knew that before I did. Or rather you knew he was more to me than just another man since I still thought he was George's son... wait when exactly did you know he wasn't..."

"I knew your prince charming was a fraud long before you did..." Regina said watching her old enemy intently.

"You didn't use it against us even in the war except to make snide remarks."

"Never underestimate the value of witty repartee to a good villain." Regina said.

"Do you think of yourself that way? As a villain?"

"Snow what do you want before I translocate you up a tree?"

"Why did you never touch me? During the curse. David was in a coma, you were lonely." _So was I_ , but she didn't add that. "Or was that all a game back home?"

"Go away, Snow."

"Not until you answer."

Regina shook her head, "Like a spoiled little princess as always."

"Regina." Snow used what she now thought of as her teacher voice.

"Because it wasn't you." Regina admitted. "It was her. Mary Margaret. And all the 'we are both' rhetoric your husband likes to spin you find Mary Margaret an easy shell to hide in but even if I was inclined to be with you like that ever again I have no interest in your little meek cursed personality."

"You didn't have sex with me because I was too submissive?" Snow mocked and immediately regretted it. They never spoke of those nights when the Queen would come to Snow and for a few hours Snow knew that she was not a monster but Regina was in there somewhere. Until she stopped coming. Until she gave up all hope of Regina being in there. But that reasoning... that was very close to ... respect?

"Go home to your family, Snow."

Snow let the queen have this round, leaving without any of the answers she needed, but in her heart she knew what David did not. She could never leave Regina behind her...

* * *

 _Once upon a time before the Dark Curse..._

Once the Queen was secured in the tower and they were sure that her magic was neutralized... for now the fairies had warned they couldn't block it forever... he had ridden out to attend to the battle lines. They'd defeated George's army, and captured the Queen, but her knights were strangely loyal. They'd all expected them to surrender when they announced that they'd captured the Evil Queen but instead they had retreated to her kingdom ... Snow's kingdom... to regroup. There were even rumors that some of them wanted to mount a rescue to save the Queen.

But that had to be one of those strange rumors that flies around in war.

Regina sat in the tower room looking out the window. They'd taken her ridiculous armor from her and given her a common prisoner's smock and her hair was down in a simple style and Snow was reminded how very tiny Regina actually was without the trappings of the Evil Queen.

"I don't need magic to know you are there. You never did have a sense of anyone's privacy." Regina said without looking back to the door.

"Says the woman who I'm pretty sure spied on me through mirrors."

"You didn't spend much time around mirrors, Snow. As your hair shows." The Queen shot back but didn't deny the substance of the accusation.

"You never showed up again. After that night." Snow didn't specify. Regina would know what she meant. Their encounters were hard to forget. At least the ones where Regina wasn't there to kill her.

"You want me to be someone I'm not."

"The woman I loved, the selfless hero, is still inside you. I know it."

"Being selfless and self sacrificing is nice in storybooks, Princess, but do you know what happens in real life?" Regina turned her head to look at her, "Selfless bravery isn't rewarded. Heroic sacrifice means that you lose yourself. That woman you want me to me lost everything. And she's long gone."

"Perhaps." Snow said quietly, "But I don't think so."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why do you think so? Because you have lived a good and noble life and never been punished for your good deeds?" Regina asked acerbically.

"I think if anyone knew if I'd been punished for my sins it would be you Regina."

Regina looked up, "It's not your sins that destroy lives, Snow. It's your good intentions. And someone should punish you for those too."

Snow could feel the tears forming and knew she didn't want to cry in front of the Queen. She turned away and all she could hear as she walked down the steps was the mad woman's laugh. The next morning Prince James set new orders to the guards. No one was to see the Queen without his permission.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: This chapter takes place during the events of 2.21 with flashbacks after the events of 2.20_

* * *

Snow was silent sitting next to David in the truck, the little magical potion in her hands, her tear mixed with Regina's that was supposed to help her feel what Regina was. "You know when I was a little girl I would have done just about anything to have this experience. And now I just ... "

"We'll find her. Whatever happened to her I'm sure we'll find her." David said quietly. "I won't pretend I understand it but I do know that she's part of you. Your family. I'm not sure I really want to learn what you would be like without Regina."

Snow sighed, "So lost. We've been lost together for so long. This is my fault."

"You had to kill Cora..."

David shook his head. Snow smiled at him fondly. The simplicity of the way he saw the world was one of the things she loved about him. Something she pretended she could manage but beneath the hope and the faith Regina was proof that she knew the world wasn't full of heroes and villains because someone could be both a hero and a villain. And because she had been both a hero and a villain herself. "I didn't have to kill her the way I did. That wasn't about Cora that was about Regina."

"You didn't force her to be a raving madwoman."

She smiled a little and shook her head, "No. I just offered her the illusion of a way out and then took it away from her when it suited me." Snow turned to look at David, "You know I'm never going to leave her. I know all your arguments about what she's done and what she might do. I've had them all myself. But ..." She stopped talking as her fingers closed around the potion. Their tears intertwined. She didn't even want to think about a future without Regina in it.

And alone was a truth she should have learned years ago.

* * *

 _Once upon a time in the Enchanted Forest..._

Snow didn't follow the retreating figure as Regina still disguised by her dark magic ran away from her and massacred village that had unraveled whatever her latest evil plot was. Snow knew she should have shot her. She told herself that she couldn't shoot anyone in the back. She needed to tell herself that because the idea that she couldn't shoot Regina at all was too much.

She wished she could stay at the village and bury the bodies but wherever Regina was going she could be back at any moment with her soldiers. And so Snow whispered her apologies to her people for not protecting them and started moving deeper into the forest and away from the villages.

But being alone with her thoughts was a torture of another sort.

The night before, as 'Wilma' had been getting stronger and Snow knew they'd have to break camp the next day there had been a moment where their hands touched. Where they'd looked into each other's eyes and something passed over the stranger's face that made even less sense now knowing who she was.

An almost kiss. An almost moment. Or like most things with Regina... all in Snow's imagination.

Except it wasn't Regina. At least Snow didn't know it was Regina at the time. And she still felt it. And what did that conversation as they were walking even mean. Another trap? That's the answer she knew she should reach but it didn't feel right. Not in her heart.

She found a good camping spot before dark, one she hoped was defensible in case the Black Knights flooded the woods. She'd have to lay low for a few days before moving again she decided, so camouflage was important.

But the black knights didn't come. Not that night at least. And it wasn't until she was out of supplies and she knew she had to venture into a town with her hood pulled over her head that she first heard it. The people had been calling Regina the Evil Queen even before her father's death. She hadn't understood it at the time and once she'd asked her nurse Johanna who had smiled sadly and said that things were complicated. But she was staring at a proclamation now with all the stamps and seals of the crown where she referred to herself as the Evil Queen.

And Snow realized she still cared because it hurt to think that she would think of herself that way despite everything she'd seen her do.

But still the town was a dangerous place for her to be and she got the supplies she needed and headed back to her camp in the woods. It was dark when she got back and decided her sleeping roll was preferable to cooking. As a consequence when she woke she was hungry. She was unpacking some cured pork to boil in a pot of beans when she saw the shadow and turned to see her sitting on a rock, incongruous in her leather and jewels.

Snow froze.

"You pick such pretty spots, Snow. When I was your age and your father was dragging me to balls so that he could dance with you I used to daydream of a place exactly like this."

The almost normal comment and lack of evil speech of evil or ... really immediate murderous intent ... threw Snow for a loop and she stayed frozen in place.

"Oh you look silly holding that pot." Regina waved a hand and the pot was on the fire, some sort of soup already cooking that smelled so wonderful that Snow debated if the hunger pain she was feeling could be worse than whatever pain the Queen was about to impose.

"What do you want, Regina?"

"Not to kill you for once. So eat or get your pointy sticks out so we can play the game of pretending you can hurt me." Regina said nonchalantly.

"I'm not in the mood for a game."

"I'm not here to play one. But if you want to throw away one of my rare forgiving moods I can leave."

Hunger was a weird thing, Snow had learned since she left her old life, and even in the face of incredible danger an empty belly will demand attention. She went over to the pot and could smell the rich aromas of stew and not the simple salt pork and beans she had been prepared to make.

Regina folded her arms and Snow took a small bowl and spoon. Magic or not it was food, warm and filling. "What are you here for?"

"I... wanted to know if you were really sure that there was no good in me."

There was something sad and longing in her eyes and it broke Snow's heart. But the sight of the bodies was still fresh. "Somewhere deep perhaps. I don't really understand what any of those few days was about."

Snow pulled out some bread and paused for a moment before giving the cup of stew and a chunk of bread to the Queen before getting another for herself. She expected Regina to ignore it but surprised her by eating the simple fair herself.

Well that ruled out poison she supposed.

"Did you mean it? When you said that?"

Snow ate some and raised an eyebrow, "Regina do you realize how mad it is to have your feelings hurt that I might think badly of you when you've been trying to kill me. When I ... suspect you'll try and kill me after we're done eating."

"Not today." She looked at her, "I give you my word as a Queen."

"You never wanted to be one you know."

"I'm well aware. But I am what you made me."

The verbal slap reminded Snow of the danger and she sighed.

"Was I imagining that you almost kissed me?" It was the thing that she'd kept thinking about since the encounter. After the conversations and the mountain of dead bodies.

"You wouldn't have been kissing me. Some peasant girl. I have enough self respect not to think that would have been any sign that you loved me."

"But I do. I'll always love you Regina." She dipped the bread into the stew and the feeling of the of it in her mouth was almost orgasmic and she had to put side her own body for a moment to keep her mind clear. Part of her wondered if the food was meant to throw her off in just this way. "I... I want to believe that you'll come back from wherever you are. I want it very much."

Regina frowned and Snow wondered what kind of battle was going on within her. She had magic. She could kill her at any time in this conversation and she hadn't.

"Do you want me dead?"

"The dark magic and murder and burning the kingdom to hunt you down left you in doubt?"

Snow shrugged.

"You aren't that stupid Snow."

"I'm eating with you."

"Point. Perhaps you are that stupid."

"Why do you care what I think of you?"

Regina frowned and instead of answering she threw her hand up and in a cloud of purpose smoke she was gone.

* * *

David carried Regina into the loft and set her down gently in the bed. Whatever she'd gone through the burns on her head and hands, and terrible bruises on her wrists only confirmed the terrible pain Snow had felt briefly. Snow wasn't even sure how Regina was alive given that much pain and she'd only felt a fraction of it.

Snow sat down on the bed with a bowl of warm water and a rag to clean the burns while David called the Mother Superior to ask her to come over. Once off the phone he gave Snow's shoulder a squeeze, "Regina is tough. She'll make it."

"She's not superwoman, David. Some day she's going to fall because she won't have the strength to stand anymore."

"And you'll catch her."

"Will I? It seems to me I've failed her as much as she's failed me."

"Maybe that's what family is, Snow? Not the failure... but ... finding each other again after it?"

Snow looked at Regina's sleeping form desperately afraid that this time she'd lost her for real.


End file.
